Finding God in the Struggle

Woven Through the Years

Tracey and Matthew’s story began before they were even born. Their mothers were pregnant together, and from the very beginning, their lives were intertwined.

Though drawn to each other from a young age, their serious relationship didn’t begin in earnest until college after both experienced a deep, personal transformation in their faith. That shared foundation would go on to shape not just their marriage, but the life they would build together.

Navigating Marriage and Parenthood

Married for 33 years, Matthew and Tracey have walked through many seasons. Early in their marriage, they found themselves caught in the whirlwind of raising children, being small business owners, and serving in their church. Like many couples, they faced the challenge of maintaining their relationship amidst the busyness of family life.

Tracey recalls, “When our oldest son went to high school, Matthew said, ‘If we don’t start putting our marriage first now, it won’t be abundant later when the kids are gone.’” It’s so easy in this stage of life-- raising children, serving others, working hard at a career, or in this case, building a business-- to neglect prioritizing one’s marriage. “Sometimes you take your relationships for granted, thinking they’ll always be there, and they probably will be. But that doesn’t mean they’ll be abundant.”  

Matthew took the lead in dating his wife again, understanding that love and connection don’t just happen—they require intentional care. 

Tracey added that in many ways, a strong marriage mirrors a relationship with Jesus. “It can become anemic; you’ll still have it, but it won’t be abundant unless you put in the sincere time it requires to keep it healthy.”  By choosing to face life’s stressors together, leaning on their faith and each other, they have built a marriage rooted in love, resilience, and deep connection.  But it didn’t happen without trials along the way.

The Trials That Refine

Not all seasons were easy, and some, in fact, were crushing. Matthew faced deep struggles with identity and self-worth, particularly when their business hit difficult times. “I always knew people were smarter than me, but I felt like no one would outwork me. I could always make up the difference,” he shares. But eventually, his body and mind gave out. “Your body says, ‘No, this isn’t going to work.’” Tracey remembers, “The stress was just so great. It had just broken him down. He just couldn't maintain that level of stress anymore”.

During this time, Matthew found himself in a dark place, wrestling with depression and self-doubt. “I was in a fog. I lacked the will to confront anything.” 

In the depths of depression, when everything felt heavy and distant, he wrestled with a question that had always lingered in his mind: “When Jesus was suffering on the cross, why would he ask something He already knew the answer to when he said, ‘My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?’ Jesus cried out from the cross. He had always known what would happen—He was in on the plan. And yet, in that moment, when God turned His face away, Jesus experienced something He had never felt before: complete abandonment.”

Matthew realized that depression felt like that—knowing God was there but feeling completely unable to reach Him. “I know He's here, but I can’t see Him. I can’t feel Him. Nothing makes sense. My mind won’t work”. The despair was searing, and in that darkness, he glimpsed something profound. “If my suffering is this overwhelming, how much greater was Christ’s?”

In his pain, Matthew sensed God’s gentle presence, not in fixing everything immediately, but in lovingly guiding him toward deeper understanding. “Everyone suffers. The world is broken. But you have a choice—will you learn from this, or will you let it consume you?”

Tracey, having experienced postpartum depression herself, recognized the depths of his pain. “I understood that his heart isolation wasn’t about me,” she says. She fought for him when he couldn’t fight for himself.  Matthew said, “It was during that time that she could have crushed me, but she went out of her way to meet my needs in so many ways when I was not reciprocating. She helped me add healthy things, little by little, to my life like bike riding in a forest preserve on a Wednesday morning.  Today we often encourage people who suffer from depression to ‘keep doing right things, and eventually, the heart may follow.’”

From Struggle to Strength

As they moved forward, new challenges arose in both their business and family life. The stress of owning a company took Matthew away from family life, “He was missing so many moments,” she shares. “Vacations were interrupted and family time felt overshadowed by work. I didn’t understand the weight of the stress he was carrying. Our family was also rocked by cancer and unimaginable trauma at the same time. Life was pretty difficult for a while.”

Then, in 2016, Tracey left education and joined the business. “Most people would say working together would ruin a marriage, but for us, it was the opposite,” she says. “For the first time, I could see exactly what Matthew was dealing with.” She gained a new perspective on and appreciation for his sacrifices. 

Working side by side, they became true partners, not just in business, but in life. Together they began a new chapter of building a life that was not really about its details, which can be messy and even scary at times, but about what God was teaching us through them. Tracey said, “We began to learn that God uses our life’s circumstances for our sanctification (growth) if we let him.”

Learning Not to Waste Suffering

Through their journey, they’ve come to believe that suffering does not have to be wasted. “There is wisdom that can only be found on the far side of suffering,” Matthew shares. “It can either make you bitter or more beautiful.”

One verse has become their guiding truth: "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:1-2).

“We’re still figuring out what it really means to be a living sacrifice,” Matthew admits. “Every hardship, every season of uncertainty—each one has been part of that refining process.” And that refining process has given them a platform for ministry that missionaries spend years trying to obtain, which is the people God has given them to shepherd at work on a daily basis, their employees, whom they refer to as friends. “Businesses need to make money to survive like people need air to breathe,” says Matthew, “But that isn’t why we own Endoplus. We show up and are intentional every day so we can create a culture where people want to work because they feel valued and have meaningful successes.” 

“God has put us there to share the love of Jesus in everything we do, big or small, with every customer, vendor, employee, and decision,” says Tracey, “It’s amazing how many spiritual conversations arise just from having your guest WiFi password be a Bible verse reference! Our actual business name is JStone, Inc. because like Israel, God has brought us through some very difficult Jordan River times, and like Israel taking 12 stones from the river in remembrance for what God did for them there, so it is with our business.” “The stones will serve as a reminder to you. In the days to come, your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Tell them that the Lord cut off the flow of water in the Jordan River. Tell them its water stopped flowing when the ark of the covenant of the Lord went across. The stones will always remind the Israelites of what happened there” (Joshua 4:6-7). “Our business is our 12 stones, a testimony to all God has brought and will bring us through as we love and care for all the families he has entrusted to us on our Lake County mission field.”

A Call to Serve

Matthew recognizes the awesome responsibility of being a Shepherd in Jesus’ church. His father, a pastor, modeled how to lead and to serve people with grace, wisdom, and compassion. “Dad was an authentic Christian who I went to often for advice.  When I find myself wondering what Dad would do, I imagine him pointing to Jesus, smiling, and telling me to ask instead what Jesus would do.

With that in mind, Matthew made himself available to the discernment process when asked.  

Tracey, too, has had a passion to serve the church over the years through teaching, speaking, and worship. Reflecting on times she felt disconnected at a new church, she realizes, “Serving is one of the biggest ways to feel connected in the church. It allows for time and space for relationships to grow, which is key for spiritual growth.”

The Legacy of Faith

Through every season—through struggle and growth, trials and triumphs—Matthew and Tracey’s faith has been their anchor. “God took a Type-A, laser-focused person and completely changed me,” Matthew reflects. “I’ve learned to surrender.”

Their journey has been one of refining, of learning that faith isn’t just something you believe—it’s something you live.

Now, as they embrace the season of empty nesting, they find themselves more connected than ever. “We’re together 24/7,” Tracey laughs. “And the best part? We love it.”

For those struggling in marriage, facing emotional or mental health challenges, or simply feeling distant from God, the Gudeman’s story offers this encouragement: Don’t waste your suffering. Invest in community. Serve others. And above all, trust in the One who redeems every broken piece by making him Lord of your life. 

If you’re going through a tough time and would like to talk with someone at Center Church, we’re here for you. Please feel free to reach out to us at care@centerchurch.live.